I Dumped My Dwell-in Boyfriend. Do I Owe Half of the Payments?

Expensive Penny,

I began courting a man I actually favored about 10 months in the past. Into our third month of courting, he obtained an incredible job supply in one other state and requested me if I’d be down to maneuver with him. 

It was a giant dedication, however I made a decision I want to get away from my tiny hometown, so I agreed to maneuver with him. I’ve two younger kids as effectively from a earlier relationship. (Their dad just isn’t concerned, so it was a simple transfer.) 

He determined earlier than we moved to promote his automobile as a result of the funds have been insane, so he was taking a look at cheaper automobiles. I put the down cost on the automobile he chosen. It was considerably cheaper than the opposite automobile he had, and we have been going to share it after we moved.

It was a reasonably large effort to search out housing, however we lastly discovered a home we favored. Hire is pricey the place we’re, so it was a hefty value simply to maneuver in alone. It value us about $9,500 to maneuver, not together with the U-Haul we needed to hire. I spent a bit greater than he did, nevertheless. I had a big lump sum of cash saved up from my earlier job and didn’t actually assume something of it. 

He purchased an inexpensive front room set shortly after we moved in. After I say low-cost, I imply CHEAP. I purchased every thing else for the home: decorations, rugs, towels, kitchen stuff, silverware, every thing else. Have in mind, I’ve two toddlers and but I nonetheless paid extra for this home and the issues in it.

Upon shifting, he began his job and I stayed dwelling with the children. With the cash I had saved, I purchased groceries and different issues we wanted for the home. Day-after-day he went to work, I stayed dwelling with the children, took care of the home, cleaned every thing, and at all times had dinner cooked and prepared for him when he obtained dwelling. 

I began to attempt to search for a job as effectively, however with two younger youngsters, it is rather troublesome and the realm we moved to doesn’t precisely have very secure-looking childcare. He paid the payments whereas I paid for groceries and different issues we wanted. However the cash clearly began to dissipate on my finish. 

After residing with him for a couple of months, I spotted he wasn’t somebody I needed to stick with. I look after him, however I simply can’t cope with him rambling on and on anymore. He’s so needy and he continuously needs my consideration, however I can’t at all times give it to him as a result of I’ve kids who want me, too. 

He obtained fired from his job shortly after. Then, one thing unhealthy occurred again dwelling together with his household. We determined to maneuver again dwelling earlier than our lease was up. I’m relieved in a means, I’m excited to go dwelling, and I really feel like that is my out with this man. However I’m making an attempt to type out the cash state of affairs. 

Contemplating the $3,000 down cost I put down on the automobile and the entire cash I dropped on stuff for the home and groceries, do you assume I owe him for half of our payments for 3 months there? Or do you assume he owes me for the automobile since he’s the one driving it and taking it dwelling with him?


Expensive D.,

It’s straightforward to separate issues 50/50 once you’re on a date. However once you mix households, it turns into difficult, particularly once you issue within the help for youngsters from previous relationships.

I can’t say for certain who spent extra on this try at residing collectively. Presumably, you’ll every get to maintain the gadgets you bought for the house. For those who paid $3,000 for the automobile down cost however he paid for the majority of bills for you and your youngsters for 3 months, it doesn’t actually sound like both of you is screwing the opposite over right here.

Furthermore, if he’s misplaced his job and your financial savings is dwindling, it doesn’t actually matter what I feel is truthful. Every of you must deal with re-establishing separate residences as an alternative of splitting hairs.

My recommendation is to make use of this as a studying expertise. Sooner or later should you determine to mix funds with somebody — whether or not you’re shifting in collectively or making a significant buy — it’s important that you just spell out in writing who will get what if the relationship ends. One of many huge advantages of marriage is that it’s a contract. There’s a course of for when it ends, i.e., divorce. However once you’re not married, it’s as much as you to set the phrases for what occurs if issues don’t work.

This may occasionally have been an costly lesson. However fortuitously, you discovered this relationship wasn’t viable inside three months. When it comes to the time it value you, I’d say that’s a reasonably darn low-cost lesson.

Robin Hartill is an authorized monetary planner and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected] or chat along with her in The Penny Hoarder Community.

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